The turmoil that was inside me was a bit difficult to cope with. I went to a ‘Christian’ party that is where I met Stefani. I thought it was a safe place to go because it was Christian. I ended up getting close to Stefani.
The problem was although I knew Jesus and for a few months he was Lord of my life, I still cried out inside for romantic love. The need to be loved by a female was greater than the walk I was on with Jesus.
I thought at this time that I was unlovable, I thought I had been left on the shelf, even though I was in my late teens. Deep down inside I thought I was past it in life. I wanted both Jesus and this woman.
The problem was that every time I called her, she gave me her number, she never wanted to meet me. Inside my head I had already fallen in love with her. I had a one sided love affair.
I hated responsibility so I thought I would just see what would happen. I called her about 3 times a week, she spoke but was always busy. I thought there was still hope because she spoke to me every time on the phone.
This went on for about 6 months.
Then I discovered that Stefani was going out with one of my mates, mate. I hardly met this person Craig. I also found out that other people that I knew also knew she was seeing Craig. I had been telling these people about the phone conversations, they never said anything even though they knew in my head I was in love with her.
At that time being hurt by other Christians was the hardest thing I had to face. The question for me now was what to do next.