Road to Faith. Deep Rooted Wounds. 8

I felt like I had hit a brick wall of rejection, the pain was dancing a dance of anger in my heart. I did not know how to cope. I had only been a Christian for a few months and the pain within my heart was deep.
The only thing that I knew to stop the pain was to drink again. It eased the pain but only while drunk. When I sobered up the guilt, shame and self hatred was deeper. In my heart I longed to cry out to Father God but didn’t feel good enough.
I thought that I was the prodigal son who asked his Father for the inheritance and wasted it.
I never fully understood that it is through relationship with Jesus that we become set free. It is giving him our deep wounds and allowing Him to heal us.
When I look back I never really stopped drinking as it was always in my mind. I was deeply wounded inside and hid behind a wall of self protection. When I actually stopped drinking for a few weeks I was left with these feelings of hatred and bitterness.
I then met someone else who told me exactly what he thought I needed.

I wanted to share my story like this as I feel many Christian’s struggle and feel that they will never make it. I have been sober for 25 years this year. I have been married for 23. I did come to my senses but it took many attempts until I finally wanted Jesus in my life more than anything


About cleavinghearts

I go to church in Troon Scotland. I want to see men from every nation rise up in Christ and be who they are called to be. I am interested in men getting together to praise and just do men's things. I also want to see women rise above their pain and turmoil so they are free to follow Jesus without the hindrances of their past.
This entry was posted in Addiction, Christian, faith, Inner conflict, Life. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Road to Faith. Deep Rooted Wounds. 8

  1. Let’s a long and rocky road, ain’t it? Those are quiet the milestones. Both for your sobriety and your marriage. Definitely something to be proud of. Glad to find and follow your blog, sir. Take care and keep the faith.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. modelingmodesty says:

    Thank you for sharing your testimony. 25 years of sobriety and 23 years of marriage is astonishing. It’s been a tough road for me. I am still struggling with some things but it’s great to know that God will help me through as He did for you. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for reading and following my blog. I ended up screaming out to Jesus as I just wanted to die. That was 25 years ago. I just wanted to share my story because I was fed up hearing that people got saved and lived happily ever after. That wasn’t my reality. Bless You. Richard

      Liked by 1 person

  3. We have both been free Cleavinghearts for about the same time, how wonderful that we both found the right answer, Jesus is the only way to Freedom that lasts.

    Blessings – Anne


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