I felt like I had hit a brick wall of rejection, the pain was dancing a dance of anger in my heart. I did not know how to cope. I had only been a Christian for a few months and the pain within my heart was deep.
The only thing that I knew to stop the pain was to drink again. It eased the pain but only while drunk. When I sobered up the guilt, shame and self hatred was deeper. In my heart I longed to cry out to Father God but didn’t feel good enough.
I thought that I was the prodigal son who asked his Father for the inheritance and wasted it.
I never fully understood that it is through relationship with Jesus that we become set free. It is giving him our deep wounds and allowing Him to heal us.
When I look back I never really stopped drinking as it was always in my mind. I was deeply wounded inside and hid behind a wall of self protection. When I actually stopped drinking for a few weeks I was left with these feelings of hatred and bitterness.
I then met someone else who told me exactly what he thought I needed.
I wanted to share my story like this as I feel many Christian’s struggle and feel that they will never make it. I have been sober for 25 years this year. I have been married for 23. I did come to my senses but it took many attempts until I finally wanted Jesus in my life more than anything