I had accepted the offer of dope and began a downward spiral into the drug world. my mind was telling me ‘ you’ve blown it with Jesus anyway so you may as well party.’ This was the start of a very big mindset that had become a barrier. my head was in control of things and I had to ignore my heart.
My heart was crumbling in the heavy guilt, shame and agony of supposed failure with Jesus. I wanted so much to die. All death would bring was hell. I was afraid to live and afraid to die. I was completely lost.
The problem was that deep down I knew the reality of Jesus. That gave me hope but also scared me as it meant that hell was also real.
I met a young man called Martin and his friend Lynette. Martin was smoking dope in a house that I was in. He and Lynette asked me to come back to Martin’s Mum’s house in Kilmarnock. I went but I discovered that his dad had died that day. martin just carried on as if nothing had happened. His lived with his Mum. The house was mental.
It made me question deep down life and death. I just smoked dope to try and calm my alarmed mind.
I need to get back to Jesus was my thoughts. The trouble was that one of my strongholds in my mind was rejection. I decided to go but it took months to get there. Each day I was getting deeper and deeper into oblivion.
I decided to go to church. Would they accept me was the question racing through my brain as well as the fear in my heart.
Please feel free to comment as I am just trying to share my story incase anybody else is struggling with addiction even though they know Jesus is real.
I have been addiction free for 25 years now. It was the love of Jesus that set me free. You can know the saving love of Jesus today if you call out to him.
He can break all the chains that enslave you today. He paid my price and yours on the Cross.