Road to Faith. Cracks Appear. 10

I went back to church and was warmly welcomed. I was always trying to prove myself that I was genuine about seeking Jesus. Deep down I had no idea if Jesus would actually accept me or not. I just hoped that he still loved me.

My mother used to say ‘if you don’t behave yourself this time me and you are finished!!!’. I put that onto Father God; I thought that might be his attitude towards me. My trouble was that I found it really difficult to behave myself.

I had a real problem with relationships, my wall of protection was so thick. I was to afraid to be me in case people found me unacceptable. The safe place was to remain hidden. At this time Martin and Lynette had started going to church, they had given their lives to Jesus. I thought that was good.

But inside  I cried and cried.

I began to spend more and more time with Martin and Lynette because they knew my background. Everybody else at church did I was just in denial.

Slowly I would open up to Martin and Lynette. I told them who I was deep down. I was never afraid of being rejected by them. I was afraid of being rejected by God and the church as I had a difficult relationship with them.

One day Lynette said I have something to tell you but don’t know how to say it. I said what is it. Martin and her had spent some time and Glasgow, while they were in central Station there was a group of people praising and praying to Jesus. She said they joined in and felt completely at peace with them.

I knew what was coming.

Lynette continued so we are leaving to join them. I asked who they were she said ‘The Jesus Army’. They left that weekend.

I thought they had left because I had annoyed them in some way. I didn’t know what to do. I had more choices to make and I hated responsibility.

I ended up making a major choice.

At this point Father God was beginning to work in my life. I had opened up to a couple of people and had stayed away from drugs and drink for a couple of months. At times Jesus is changing things in our lives and it’s slowly and gently. If Jesus changed us in a major way instantly we couldn’t handle the change.

Sometimes we think we will never change but Jesus is changing us in his way not ours.

The trouble with me was I wanted everything NOW. Why should I have to wait was my attitude.

Jesus breaks the chains one at a time and then teaches us to walk in His ways.


About cleavinghearts

I go to church in Troon Scotland. I want to see men from every nation rise up in Christ and be who they are called to be. I am interested in men getting together to praise and just do men's things. I also want to see women rise above their pain and turmoil so they are free to follow Jesus without the hindrances of their past.
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3 Responses to Road to Faith. Cracks Appear. 10

  1. What a great anecdote. When we are at our weakest, God is at his strongest. No doubt!


  2. I love your Honesty Cleavinghearts you are indeed a Man of Integrity with a heart of Love for Jesus and others. I hope you don’t mind because it has a lot of detail but I’m going to share with you what Jesus Taught me and confirmed in Scripture after I asked for His Wisdom and Empowering, which none of us were Born with. I hope you will be blessed like I was, we do indeed have a wonderful Hope in Jesus and He will fulfill it as we seek Him and as we ask for His empowering by The Holy Spirit, we will than be as He was in this World.

    1 John 4:17-19 Herein is our Love made Perfect that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as He is so are we in this World. There is no fear in Love but Perfect Love casteth out fear because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made Perfect in Love. We Love Him because He first Loved us. KJV

    As I shared recently with you Cleavinghearts by choosing to walk in The Fruit of The Spirit as He Empowers us to do our Carnal flesh is put to death as we Aim to be Perfected in Love. Jesus has set us free from the Slavery of Sin so we can choose His way and walk as He does in this World as confirmed in the Scripture below.

    John 8:34-36 Jesus replied, “I tell you the Truth everyone who Sins is a slave to Sin. Now a Slave has no permanent place in the family but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free you will be free indeed.KJV

    Romans 6:18 Being then made free from Sin ye became the Servants of Righteousness.KJV

    Romans 6:22-23 Now being then made free from Sin and become Servants to God, ye have your fruit unto Holiness, and the end Everlasting life. For the wages of Sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.KJV

    It’s good to know Cleavinghearts that if we do Sin before we are Perfected in God’s Love, Jesus is our Advocate and will Intercede for us, no one else can but we also confess our Sins to each other and Pray to Him and He hears and we are answered according to God’s good will for us but He does not want Puppets He has given us free will to choose.

    Romans 6:5-7 For if we have been planted together in the likeness of His death, we shall be also in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this that our old man is Crucified with Him that the body of Sin might be destroyed that henceforth we should not serve Sin. For he that is dead is freed from Sin.KJV

    Romans 6:11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto Sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.KJV

    Romans 6 :1- 2 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in Sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to Sin, live any longer therein? KJV

    1 Peter 1:21-23 Being Born again, not of corruptible seed but of incorruptible by the Word of God which liveth and abideth for ever.KJV

    1 John 3: 1-11 ( 9 ) No one who is Born of God will continue to Sin because God’s seed remains in him, he cannot go on Sinning because he has been Born of God.KJV

    1 John 5:18-20 We know that no one who is Born of God Sins but He who was Born of God keeps him and the evil one does not touch him. KJV

    1 John 3: 1-11 ( 6-7 ) Whosoever abideth in Him Sinneth not: whosoever Sinneth hath not seen Him neither known Him. Little Children let no man deceive you, he that doeth Righteousness is Righteous, even as He is Righteous.KJV

    1 Peter 2:24 Who His own self bare our Sins in His own body on the tree that we being dead to Sins should live unto Righteousness by whose stripes ye were healed.KJV

    Ephesians 4:23-24 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind And that ye put on the new Man which after God is created in Righteousness and True Holiness. KJV

    2 Corinthians 7:1 Having therefore these promises dearly beloved let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit Perfecting Holiness in the fear of God. KJV

    1 John 2:4-6 He that saith, I know Him and keepeth not His Commandments is a liar, and the Truth is not in him. But whoso keepeth His word, in him verily is the Love of God Perfected: hereby know we that we are in Him. He that saith hebideth in Him ought himself also so to Walk, even as He Walked.KJV

    Luke 6:45-46 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.KJV

    Colossians 3:4-6 When Christ, who is your life appears then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death therefore whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.KJV

    Romans 8: 8 There is therefore now no Condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit.KJV

    Romans 8 :12-15 Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation but it is not to the Sinful nature, to live according to it. or if you live according to the Sinful nature you will die but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. KJV

    Colossians 1:27-29 To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom; that we may present every man Perfect in Christ Jesus Whereunto I also labour, striving according to His working, which worketh in me mightily (KJV)

    Titus 2:13-15 Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all Authority. Let no man despise thee.KJV

    Daniel 12:10 Many shall be purified and made white and tried but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand but the Wise shall understand. KJV

    Christian Love – Anne.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Anne for taking the time to put these scriptures together for me. I used to know scripture but now I walk scripture. There is no point in learning the bible if you cant live it. Blessings Richard


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