End fight of the Old Self

I began to realise that the love I had for alcohol was stronger than the love I had for Diane. I tried to save up and go to Perth but I spent my money on Alcohol. The pain was immense almost as if somebody had died. I was using drink now to self medicate my self.

I wanted to end the pain.

I wanted to die.

I ran away to Arrochar it was like my inner hell.

I ran away again to Cambridge. This was hell itself. Met a woman in a pub and got to close. She told me she was HIV positive. In my head I had it as well. I thought this was the ultimate curse from God. I ran away dying to the Robertland.

Martin and Lynette  were home now. I visited them and they knew something was wrong. I told them. They advised me to get a test which I did and had to go back for the results.

The results were negative. I didn’t have HIV.

I went to the Bonnet pub for what was to be my final drink. My friend crawled in the door on all fours, looked at me and she asked where the toilets were. I told her and looked in the gantry. I saw myself and thought that might be me some day. I got up, left my pint and went to my Mother’s house in the Robertland

That was the last Saturday in November 1992.

The next day my life would change forever.

Advertisements

About cleavinghearts

I go to church in Troon Scotland. I want to see men from every nation rise up in Christ and be who they are called to be. I am interested in men getting together to praise and just do men's things. I also want to see women rise above their pain and turmoil so they are free to follow Jesus without the hindrances of their past.
This entry was posted in Addiction, Christian, faith, Freedom, Hope for tomorrow, Inner conflict, Life, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s